Inspiring Skillful Approach to Grief and Anger
Reflections on someone's skilful handling of anger from to a tragic event, and the determination to move beyond it towards forgiveness and peace.
Reflections on someone's skilful handling of anger from to a tragic event, and the determination to move beyond it towards forgiveness and peace.
"Chloe Hayman, left, with her mum, Danielle. The 17-year-old died in 2022 after the car she was travelling in hit a cattle grid" from the BBC news article "I hugged my daughter's killer as we cried together in prison".
Such a tragic event but what an incredibly inspiring, and skilful approach to move one's life from:
being "consumed by grief, anger, and hate, unable to eat, sleep, or function properly"
to "feeling that anger [gave] some control."
to realising "it was harming her"... which is a deep and hard to obtain insight¹
and then to the profound wisdom and strong determination to "[refuse] to let it consume her life.".
The lost life of her daughter is terrible but to choose to resist the impulse of anger which would otherwise consume a second life, and instead be strong enough to reclaim life from anger is wonderful. I'm so inspired by Danielle and I'm so happy for her.
It's taken me years and I'm perhaps only a fraction of the progress she's made and from the article it sounds like she's made those insights by herself whereas I have had a lot of support and guidance from others, so I'm very inspired by her.
Describing
forgiveness not as saying it was OK, but as releasing the "bitterness so it no longer dominates how you feel".
is it. I totally agree that it's the ability to come out of emotional hijack and to live life consciously, more calmly, more joyfully with the vicissitudes of life.
Notes
¹ it's very hard to realise that anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to be harmed. At best it's like picking up burning hot rocks to throw: you may hit the other person but you are guaranteed to harm yourself.